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Joke of the Day

"Want to depress yourself? Realize that someday Tom Hanks will die. Want to cheer yourself up? Remember that right now, Tom Hanks is alive."

"Mommy! The boys at school pay me to climb trees! ""Honey, they only want you to do that so they can see your panties!"" Yeah, I know, that's why I take them off."

"Purely a Fable One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch... But that was a long time ago and it was just that one day."

"It was a pain to clean up after carrying out my fetish for the first time. But its definitely a load off my chest."

"Hey, Morgan Freeman. Donating $1M to Obama's campaign isn't going to make him get older faster so you can play him in the movie."

"Q: How many 'Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around to do it."

"""I see people."" - The Fifth Sense"

"Friday night. Sitting in a bar. As the designated driver. NO, I'M NOT BITTER. I'M PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE OUT OF A SENSE OF WONDER."

"What do black men find most shocking about sex? Tazers"

"As far as my dog knows... ...dicks taste like peanut butter."