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Joke of the Day

"Friday night. Sitting in a bar. As the designated driver. NO, I'M NOT BITTER. I'M PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE OUT OF A SENSE OF WONDER."

"Ayy, lets get the denk jokes up in here. ONLY THE DANKEST OF THE DANK (this is my first post)"

"America is kind of like testicles If the right nut can't agree with the left nut. We can't produce."

"What did the ocean ask the scooba diver? Water you doing here?"

"3-year-old: Daddy, I love you *hugs me* Me: I love y- Did you wipe your mouth on my shirt? Most of fatherhood is just being a good napkin."

"Britney is stranded on an island Britney is starving Britney forms tool out of rocks and sticks Britney sees a fish Britney Spears"

"It's not a beard, it's an animal I've trained to sit very still."

"What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree might kill you? A pool table."

"Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on? Stop talking in secret code."

"What did Donald Trump say to Obama at the White House? You're fired!"