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Joke of the Day

"A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... ""Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?"" The bear responds:""No, I'm stuffed."""

"I don't like my hands I always keep them at arm's length"

"They say punching a shark is an effective way to prevent a shark attack but my preference would still be 'land'"

"Friend zone?! I've been sister zoned! And if one more dude pats me on the head, I'm telling mom!!"

"""It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!"" Whatever. The point is, it was two people with contemporary American names."

"I feel more shame when someone glances at my computer or phone and catches me looking at Facebook, than I would if it were porn."

"You inner anus is so big that when you skydive it acts as a parachute."

"What do you get when you throw a Pokeball at a Pakistani? A Pakimon."

"I could host an elegant dinner party, but I don't know enough people with simmering tension over long-held secrets to make it worthwhile."

"My wife asked me what happened to the hamster. I told her I put Red Bull in its water bottle ""Oh, so you're going to tell me it grew wings and flew away?"" ""No,"" I said. ""It died."""