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Joke of the Day

"I could host an elegant dinner party, but I don't know enough people with simmering tension over long-held secrets to make it worthwhile."

"Kate Upton Nightmare... ""Hey, last night I had a nightmare, I dreamed I was Kate Upton's new born baby, but I was bottle fed... ... [I know it's soggy, but it made me laugh...]"

"The other day my daughter said, ""Mold is so gross."" I told her to ""respect its culture."""

"My girlfriend left a note on the fridge: This isn't working, I'm going to my mums house. I opened the fridge door and the light came on and the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?"

"and God said,"" Let there be light !"" Chuck Norris says"" Say please"""

"[at library] ME: Yes, I'd like to Czech out a book on eastern Europe. LIBRARIAN: 3rd floor ME: Get it? L: This is dialog, I'm not reading it"

"This girl told me she could sing like a harp But she turned out to be a lyre."

"What do you call a Pediatrist speeding in Michigan Lead foot"

"I hope my liberal use of made-up words doesn't make you...discomfortable"

"What do you call a person that hangs out with musicians A drummer"