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Joke of the Day

"Why deal with the petty hassles of being in an actual relationship when you can watch Corona commercials and remember why you're single?"

"I tried to force feed my child... After a while, my wife said, ""Just use a fucking spoon Mike, you're not a Jedi."""

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell! Just take these pills - and if they don't work give me a ring!"

"Why should you never eat your girl out in the morning? Ever pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"Sorry I faked a seizure at your party but my phone's battery dropped to 10%, you wouldn't stop talking and I had to go so I could charge it."

"Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties? Because there's lots of school spirit!"

"why was Pavlov's hair so soft? classical conditioning."

"What does a guy who's never had sex and feminists have in common they both get annoyed when you start talking about all the girls you've sleep with"

"[A-ha rehearsal] ""Here's the lyric: Take On Me."" ""What about Take Me On?"" [4 hrs of arguing later] ""Ok we'll say both. Now let's get perms."""

"Take me down to Vatican City where the church loves greed and the Pope's all quitty! - Nuns N' Moses (I'm so sorry)"