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Joke of the Day
"Why should you never eat your girl out in the morning? Ever pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"
Next Joke
"Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the shit out of each other for a $10 crockpot."
"So this crazy guy starts talking to me on the train... ""Is this the train to heaven?"", he asks me. ""No"", I say. ""Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit"", he replied."
"I'm taking my kid to an aquarium today. (I'm putting my kid in the closet with Sponge Bob videos)"
"What do you call a piece of spaghetti that steals people's identities? An impasta!"
"Tis the season to kidnap a tree, hold it hostage, keep it from its family during the holidays, then leave it for dead."
"Ambidextrous baseball players... Swing both ways"
"I snort bits of pork when I'm hungry. I call them hamboogers."
"Thanks, Santa! I totally wanted a hangover!"
"Passport pictures make you look exactly how you feel just before that much needed vacation."