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Joke of the Day

"I was going to buy my friend a bottle of water for Christmas. And then I realized, that would be tasteless."

"TIFU by getting on the wrong submarine Oops, wrong sub."

"WHAT OTHER ILLNESSES DO I HAVE?! I told my doctor I think I'm a hypochondriac. As usual, the medicine he gave me isn't working."

"I'm just gonna go ahead and change my boys names to ""Stop making that stupid noise"" and ""Where are your shoes?""."

"We wouldn't really have any national debt in this country if strippers would just pay their damn income taxes."

"Everyone has something they do after sex like taking a shower. I just get out of my uncles car, and cry all the way home."

"Asked for Cheez-its Wife buys Cheese Nips Now she's sitting in the corner thinking about what she did."

"""The New York Times"" isn't the punchline... but... http://www.politico.com/blogs/media/2015/01/correction-of-the-day-200768.html?ml=tl_4"

"How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None; it's a hardware problem."

"Ahhh.......I love the sounds of autumn; that old familiar crunch of Halloween candy wrappers on the floor."