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Joke of the Day

"One side effect of Cialis can be hearing loss. So, a raging erection and unable to listen to a woman? It's every man's dream in pill form."

"Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and they will never notice. Call her ugly once and she'll never forget. Because elephants never forget."

"I'm sorry, you can't check your disobedient child on this flight. Guess you'll have to carry on your wayward son"

"So a baby and I head into a bar, smashed... Wait, I think I'm telling this one wrong... I smashed a bar into a baby's head. There it was."

"How does R. Kelly respond when girls ask for a rating on a ten scale? Urinate"

"What did Darth Vader say to the Internet? May the force e-with you."

"1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours 2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money"

"I bought some rose-scented shampoo the other day.. ..it smells better than real poo."

"God only gives you what you can handle. Really? Because I'm pretty sure I could handle way more money."

"Political analyst said the way to defeat ISIS is to cripple them financially so maybe we can sneak into Syria and build them a Whole Foods."