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Joke of the Day

"Jesus loves you. These are beautiful words to hear in a church, and absolutely horrifying ones to hear in a Mexican prison."

"Why don't Jewish men eat pussy? Because it's too close to the gas chamber."

"What is the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face"

"Lowe's banned me for yelling ""From the windows! To the walls! To the sweat drop down my balls!"", as I explained how much carpet I needed."

"So there are 2 fish in a tank... And one says to the other: ""Hey, how do you drive this thing??"""

"Gross. This salad tastes like pee and vegetables. Don't ask me how I know what vegetables taste like."

"I love mange tout... ...but I couldn't eat a whole one."

"What's a dentists favorite time of day? Tooth-Hurty"

"What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird."

"When I first meet someone I always want to talk about that movie with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio... but the Titanic is a terrible ice breaker."