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Joke of the Day

"I don't trust kids as far as I can throw them. Currently my record for trusting a kid is 6 feet 11-1/4 inches."

"*gets down on one knee* Wow, you really suck. Why can't you be more like the other knee?"

"Don't go around telling people what Teresa Ripoll is an anagram of before they've solved it. Spoiler alert"

"Two guys are watching a dog lick its privates. One guy chuckles and says, ""I wish I could do that."" The other guy says, ""Pet him, maybe he'll let you."" An oldie, but I always liked it."

"You've got to really be careful when ingesting shoes... cause they're usually laced"

"I saw a sign that said ""Watch for children""... ... and I thought, ""That sounds like a fair exchange"""

"I think the inventor of the internet likely didn't intend for it to be used to post videos of simians reacting to humans doing magic tricks."

"Do Wilma Flintstone got a booty? She yabba-dabba dooooooo!"

"Where do you put people with ADHD? A concentration camp"

"Damn girl are you baking chocolate? Because you're bitter as fuck."