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Joke of the Day

"I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole."

"After announcing our weight at birth, parents shouldn't stop. If they announced it at every birthday, we'd all be a lot skinnier."

"Did you know? Call of duty has been released in Iraq and Afgahnistan as ""The Sims."""

"My friend's star sign was cancer, so I guess it's quite ironic how he died. He got attacked by a giant crab."

"A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, ""hey, why the long face?"" The horse says, ""I have cancer."""

"What do you call a train that eats too much? A chew-chew train"

"Don't you hate that feeling when you close your eyes to apply shampoo, and get paranoid that someone will kill you in the shower."

"Wife: Are you gonna wear that to the cookout? Oh... *reaches under mesh shirt* *takes off nipple ring* Better?"

"There was a girl in my school with breasts on her back. She wasn't much to look at, but she never missed a slow dance."

"Which chord do pedophiles like the most? A minor"