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Joke of the Day

"Sure, your app can send me push notifications. Just give me your home number so I can call you to let you know I got them."

"""NO YOU'RE DRUNK,"" she says playfully into the mirror, then promptly resumes disappointing her boyfriend's mom at family dinner."

"""Sir, how may I help you?"" *swivels around in chair* -- A coffee please! ""Did you bring that chair in here?"" *reclines back* --- Maybe?"

"Happy Dhanteras. If you buy gold today, you'll become rich tomorrow. Except for gold merchants. Who sell gold & become rich today only."

"I want to die like my grandfather . ..peaceful . . . ready to go. Not kicking and screaming like the passengers in his car"

"What do you call a Jamaican proctologist? Pokemon!"

"I was in Nigeria browsing Tinder the other day It said ""There are no available girls in your area."" (Thanks Boko Haram)"

"Before you judge somebody, you should walk a mile in their shoes.. That way you're a mile away from them, and you have their shoes."

"This new thesaurus isn't just terrible, it's also terrible."

"i must be really good on the phone Whenever I call a company, they tell me they are going to use my call for training purposes."