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Joke of the Day

"Why did the zombie start ripping up sheet music? Because he was de-composing."

"I just saw a documentary about how ships are held together. Riveting."

"Knock knock Who's there? Owls. Owls who? .................. Exactly!"

"I saw a bunch of youths hitting an old lady. I stopped my car, wound down my window and yelled, ""Excuse me, that's my mother-in-law."" ""And what?"" they replied. ""And she's still moving."""

"What do mad cow disease and PMS have in common? Angry heifers."

"Why do politicians take laxatives? So they can speak more fluently"

"[Scientist describing evolution of the zebra] ""We believe they were crime horses that stayed in jail for like a really, really long time."""

"I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live So I shot him. Judge gave me 30 years to life."

"LIFE HACK: If you want to remember something write it upside down on the back of your underwear waistband. You'll see it when you're pooping"

"My girlfriend. ..probably tells me a lot that I don't listen to her."