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Joke of the Day

"LIFE HACK: If you want to remember something write it upside down on the back of your underwear waistband. You'll see it when you're pooping"

"A wise man once said that ice on the ground is great. He fell"

"""I am doing well."" - Russian man having sex with a well"

"The human body is 80% water, so we are basically just cucumbers with anxiety."

"My resolution? To eat like a normal person, as opposed to my old habit of hate-fucking my mouth with a fork."

"Why did the idiot stare at a carton of orange juice? It said 'concentrate' on it"

"It's totally amazing how cars run on dinosaur poop or however the fuck fossils work. I'm not a dinosaur scientition over here. Fuck's sake."

"How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything."

"I hate it when homeless shake their cups with change in them I know you have more money than me, stop showing off."

"If I had a nickel for every time my pants have fallen down from carrying around too many nickles."