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Joke of the Day

"Better than a Justin Bieber concert: 1. Being deaf. 2. A rattlesnake bite. 3. Chewing razor blades. 4. Licking a public toilet seat."

"Give a man a fish... ...and feed him for one meal. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime. Give a man a fire, he stays warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire and he stays warm for a lifetime."

"I just heard Stevie wonder is a Terrible father... He never sees his kids"

"How do you make a nun pregnant? NSFW Dress her up as an altar boy."

"""Ewww how'd that get in the house? I don't wanna kill it. I'll just put it outside"" *scoops your baby up in a tissue*"

"What is Harry Potters abortion spell? Fetus-Deletus"

"Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte has to eat enough to feed a family of 4 every day. He has to! I just do it because I feel like it."

"What is woman spelled backwards? Kitchen"

"I only date Patriots fans Because they don't care if I cheat"

"What kind of tree would have the best bark? Dogwood. Don't you dare judge me, it was on my popsicle stick. :P"