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Joke of the Day

"Give a man a fish... ...and feed him for one meal. Teach a man to fish, feed him for a lifetime. Give a man a fire, he stays warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire and he stays warm for a lifetime."

"I don't like thinking about gravity. It brings me down."

"Some guy called me a siren. It's like he doesn't even care that I do beeping noises & I can purr & moan & do like all the other sounds, too."

"My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him ""What was the name of his other leg?"""

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will never be subjected to your stupid bumper sticker again."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? She heard there was a man laying bricks and she wanted to see it with her own eyes."

"Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way"

"Did you hear about the constipated math teacher? He had to work it out with a pencil."

"what has nine legs, four feet and orange? Nothing, fuck off"

"To ease tension in crowded elevators I yell ""George Lopez is a comedic genius!"" Then I get stabbed with a box cutter & I dont have insurance"