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Joke of the Day

"When someone yawns, I like to yell ""Surprise Dentist!"" and stick my hand in their mouth, which is fun because I'm not really a dentist."

"OMG I'M SO OLD AND OUT OF TOUCH WITH POP MUSIC WHAT SONG DOES BREXIT SING"

"I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed."

"Wife: Hit the light. *flicks switch (wrong light) *flicks another (fan) *flicks (disposer) *flicks (nothing) *flicks (some light in Canada)"

"What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse? A tale of whoa!"

"bad feelings when others left home they are thinking: did i closed the window... did i closed the fridge...? when i left home: did i delete my history?"

"Son of a Beach So I like digging. I am going to go the beach and become a professional digger. Professional digger."

"I over-think, therefore I ruin everything"

"How does an ethiopian open a beer? With his ribs"

"Republicans run for office by saying the government doesn't work... Then they get elected and prove it."