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Joke of the Day

"""Mommy, why is my backpack so heavy?"" Allahu Akbar, honey."

"My girlfriend acts like a 14 year old in bed Even though she is 12"

"I gave all my dead batteries away today .. .. free of charge !"

"What is the Revenant about? The unbearable lengths one man will go to get his revenge and win an Oscar."

"I told my girlfriend two sentences ""We need to buy a new car."" ""I am thinking about taking a break."" She started crying. I mean, she could have just said she didn't like that type of cars."

"That amazing moment when you drop your phone but the headphones save its life."

"When someone has coordinates in their bio, I feel the need to alert their local police, to counter all the psychos en route to murder them."

"An atheist and a vegan walk into a bar... The only reason I know this is because they both told everybody."

"What kind of bug wants to buy lawn turf? A gras shopper."

"The police are looking for a racist attacker I phoned them up, but apparently it's not a job offer."