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Joke of the Day

"My local post office uses four checkouts unless it's really busy; then they use one."

"Just made an annoying kid shut right up by making a throat slash gesture. So I guess you could say I'm like a child whisperer."

"How you control your anger Father to son: whenever i beat you, you dont get annoyed, how you control your anger? son: i start cleaning the toilet seat with your toothbrush"

"Parenting tip: If your kids are fighting in the back seat of the car, stick your arm over and swing it around a bunch. That'll show em'."

"[spelling bee] Your word is ""echo"" can you use it in a sentence? SENTENCE entence entece ece ce"

"I grew up near the man with the record for most concussions. He was just a stone's throw away."

"How can if you have a stupid dog ? It chases parked cars !"

"I saved a ton of money on car insurance by switching to reverse and leaving the scene."

"It's hard to believe my teenage son hasn't got a job yet. I was sure his special skill of keeping it real' would impress any potential employers."

"Ariel: ""But I love him, daddy!"" *sobs as King Tritan rips her iPhone away and unfollows PrinceEric69*"