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Joke of the Day

"I can never tell if my cat left a dead bird at my door, or if it's the dead bird I ordered from Amazon."

"jokes don't kill people, people who don't get jokes kill people."

"It's the year 2057, humans are shaped like candy canes from years of looking down at their phones. Striped-clothing is always in fashion."

"Dreamed last night the world was running out of air. We figured out how to make it with carrots and broccoli. Al Gore, call me."

"Did you hear about what happened with the elk? It was really amoosing."

"TIL you can fit 30 bananas in a Kangaroo's pouch. Also, I'm not allowed at the zoo anymore."

"The neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the creepy guy & I'm the only one not invited. Weird."

"How does Hitler separate his juice? By concentrate."

"love is like a fart If you have to force it, it's shit"

"Hillary Clinton Style Condoms! *Rigged for her pleasure*"