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Joke of the Day

"My daughter's boyfriend left his wallet here. I put girls names & numbers in it. Later today I'll ask my daughter if he has change for a $20"

"If you've never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you've never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch."

"In regards to the Noah movie: Make sure you take someone with you, I heard they're only selling tickets in pairs."

"Why do people insist on saying ""You're next"" to me at weddings? Do they not realize how serial killery that is?"

"Biochemistry joke- I once went carbon dating... I was arrested because carbon was only 14"

"Why are cows lazy and fat? Because they don't like to mooooooooooooove."

"I use my neighbor's outdoor jacuzzi for bubble bath time with my cat. I'd invite him, but my cat's funny about bathing with strangers."

"I once slept through a burglary. Next thing I know they're taking mugshots."

"*orders a medium pizza* *opens box* PIZZA: I've contacted your late grandmother. She wants you to know- *eats pizza*"

"You've really gotta hand it to short people Because they usually can't reach it anyways"