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Joke of the Day

"When I reached the border patrol checkpoint, I raised my kale smoothie & the officer immediately waved me through."

"He who stands on a toilet is high on pot."

"I just fell backwards off a stool trying to get the last few crumbs from a Pringles can into my mouth if anyone needs a wife or something."

"The worst thing about being told you got Alzheimer... Is it just doesn't happen the once."

"They say two heads are better than one But sometimes I just don't need that much lettuce."

"Looks like we got about 4 inches of snow last night Or as my boyfriend calls it... 7."

"The Jolly Green Giant is into bondage. I guess you could call him a collared green."

"How many people from Svalbard does it take to change a light-bulb? Light? What's that?"

"A policeman sees two boys, one with batteries, the other with fireworks He charges the first boy and lets the other off."

"I'm a tree born and raised in Israel... ...A Hasidic Yew."