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Joke of the Day

"I was at the gym and noticed a hole on my Trainer that I could fit my finger in He filed a formal complaint and I'm banned for life.."

"[picking out a washing machine] how many watermelons can this hold? ""uhh I dunno, 11?"" only 11? *keeps walking to next one* how many waterme"

"What do wearing Crocs and receiving a blowjob have in common? It feels great at first, and then you look down and realize you're gay."

"How do you make exotic matter? By taking a shit in a rainforest!"

"I'm proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don't want to hang out with you now but I'm still proud..."

"A virus that wipes out every photo filter across the internet but leaves the photos."

"Why did Hitler break up with his girlfriend? She was a nein out of ten"

"Some people are just better left alone. In a jacket, in a room with padded walls."

"What's the difference between Baptists and Methodists? Methodists will make eye contact at the liquor store."

"What do old people always keep in their back pocket? Depends."