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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't Hitler ever order the French Dip sandwich when he went out to eat? Because he hated au jus."

"Why was the ink happy? Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening."

"My phone can hold 5000 songs or 1 voicemail from my mom"

"What is Italian-American foreplay? ""Hey! Wake up and roll over!"""

"I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can't have any more food and I'm never ready for that kind of commitment."

"A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says ""get out!"""

"I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, ""How flexible are you?"" I said, ""I can't make Tuesdays."""

"a nativity scene but with a giant burrito instead of a baby Jesus"

"Condoms Two condoms are walking down the street, where they pass a gay bay One turns to the other and says ""want to go inside and get shit-faced?"""

"It's easier to compliment a woman when you're traveling with a toddler. ""Son, say hi to the beautiful lady with the piercing green eyes."""