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Joke of the Day

"The therapist told my wife and I not to go to bed angry... we haven't slept in 36 years."

"Helen Keller just found out about LSD. She thinks it'll make her see things."

"My version of cyber-bullying is running around inside a Starbucks slamming people's laptops shut."

"How do you pay for incense? In cents"

"Stepped on an action figure in the shower and simultaneously invented six new cuss words in four different languages."

"Me: Congrats! I heard you got married again Her: Sorry I didn't invite you. It was a small ceremony Me: Its ok. I'll go to your next one"

"A doctor, a midget, a monk and an indian is at a bar when ... ... a blonde suddenly walks in. M. Night Shyamalan shouts ""Cut!"". The blonde fainted."

"""You should go with the black one"" I whispered from inside the clothes rack as she dropped both shirts and ran. FINE, GO WITH THE WHITE ONE"

"I tried my best to prepare my girlfriend for dinner with my folks. Dad loved her, but mum said she could've done with another hour on a low heat."

"What does Bill Cosby do when he can't sleep at night? He finishes her drink EDIT: Apparently this is Conan's joke, so all credit goes to him. I just heard it from a friend of mine and I had no idea."