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Joke of the Day

"Are we sure that we're supposed to look for a human to settle down with? Cause I'm discovering I have much more in common with this blanket."

"I bet Vegans that become zombies must really struggle with the whole brain-eating lifestyle..."

"I don't take my wallet to work because I'm afraid someone will steal it while I'm sleeping."

"What function puts you in the danger zone The LOG^^^gins function!"

"*i get on a rollercoaster with my washing machine* ""Hold tight son...WAIT! If u are here then.."" *son is at home w/ a mouth full of laundry*"

"My wife suffers from a case of constant halitosis... So I guess it's a good thing I'm hung like a TicTac."

"I know a hooker downtown that charges by the inch. I can't afford her, but you probably could. *(one-liner from the old guy that delivers stock to my work.)*"

"The ""bishop"" came to our church today He was a fucking impostor. Never once moved diagonally."

"Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent! I'm not ashamed."

"I use my notebook the same way I use my girlfriend. Just flip'em over every period."