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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Private and a Private First Class? Where they sit on an airplane."

"My sex life (Dirty) My sex life is like the Kentucky Derby, four hours of foreplay, and only 90 seconds of real action"

"I finally got around to reading that book on watches I got last year It's about time."

"My signature move is falling in love with a beautiful girl, then giving her really good advice on how to date someone else."

"Maybe, ""only if you're taking me to dinner"" wasn't the best response to, ""is this going down?"" to the guy on the elevator. Flirting is hard"

"Have you heard about the Polish strip club? There are Poles everywhere."

"Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that..."

"ISIS math problem Ahmed has 5 bags. If he gives 2 to Mohamed and 1 to Jamal. Then calculate the radius of the blast."

"I'd rather have a bottle in-front-of-me ... than a frontal lobotomy."

"I went on the treadmill for 30 minutes today. Tomorrow I will turn it on."