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Joke of the Day

"How do you know if someone has a Samsung phone without asking? Don't worry, they've already told you the superior qualities it has over all the other smart phones by this time."

"[At supermarket] ""Excuse me do you work here?"" WHAT? ME? Work HERE? Hell no. I went to college. I don't have a job"

"Terrible music pun If a person were to have sex with Andrew Stockdale, would that make them a wolf, motherfucker?"

"What shark has the most privilege? A great white!"

"I just bought a nice 12 year old scotch His parents weren't very pleased."

"The most massive object of our entire supercluster Hey, you're like the Great Attractor Thanks man No I mean like you're the heaviest thing in the known universe"

"Knock Knock Its the Spanish inquisition"

"What's the difference between a chick pea and potato? I've never paid $50 to have a potato on my face."

"Why did the little kid dance on the jar of jam? Because the top said ""Twist to open."""

"Why did Hitler break up with his girlfriend? She was a nein out of ten"