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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a chick pea and potato? I've never paid $50 to have a potato on my face."

"Darth Vader: ""Listen Luke, this is a new arrangement for both of us. Let's not force things. Just let me know if you need a hand."""

"ME: You're saying I'm not smart enough for this job? BOSS: Well, yes. ME: [points to computer] Just because I can't use the typewriter TV?"

"I'm not Anti-Social. I'm Pro-Doing Shit on my Phone."

"At first I didn't think I'd like having genital warts but now they're really growing on me."

"I know I have 19 items in the 15 items or less isle, but I'm pretty sure the tampons, painkillers, cheesecake and tequila count as one item."

"Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully."

"I just remembered the fuck out of the titans."

"What's blue and not heavy? ...Light blue"

"CSI is like Scooby-Doo for old people."