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Joke of the Day

"My wife has just got a job at the local sewage works. I reckon she will be the best shit stirrer they have ever had."

"Girl And BOy Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things. Boy: What are the two things? Girl: Your feet."

"If my love life was a movie it would be Demolition Man... ...starring Sylvester Still-alone."

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.... Let him out of your basement and he can go back to his family."

"[Date] Him: I don't trust myself around you Her(flirtatiously): Oh, stop Him: I bought an iPad on your credit card when you went to bathroom"

"""I wish there were something like coffee, but faster-acting,"" he thought, before remembering that it already exists and ruins your life."

"I downloaded the Pinterest app and now my phone is stuck in a mason jar."

"What happened when the Italian chef died? He pasta away"

"Doctor: are you an active marijuana user? Me: not really, I usually just sit on the couch and play video games"

"Two Terrorists walk into a bar Bartender says ""What can I ge"""