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Joke of the Day

"Chinese numbers I asked a sexy Chinese girl for her number. -She replied, ""Sex Sex Sex,Free Sex tonight."" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 6663629."""

"So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back... Apparently it's an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient."

"I can't wait for the stage of capitalism where we have to watch a 15 second advertisement before we remember a memory."

"You don't get many homeless gay men, which is a shame because they would be fucking bums."

"Me: I don't care how cute you are, I will tear you to shreds if you don't start cooperating. Wrapping paper: *rips*"

"If you say ""no ifs, ands, or buts"", then get ready for a shitload of ""shoulds"", ""as well as"", and ""howevers""."

"Why was the blot of ink so sad? It's mother was in the pen and it didn't know how long the sentence was."

"Knock-knock. Who's there? No, he's on first."

"JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL! *Car crashes*"

"Just learned an important lesson: When texting ""wish you were here,"" that last e kind of makes it or breaks it."