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Joke of the Day

"How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator? Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie."

"I think my 2 year old wants to move to Iowa. She points to everything and says ""Des Moines."""

"(CPR class) Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt? Me to instructor: See what I'm up against?"

"I made fun of a guy for still having a Nokia phone. He threw it at me and knocked me unconscious."

"(Politics) If trump becomes president... And he identified as a female or got a sex change, would he then be the first woman president?"

"I've never approached even 10% of Aerosmith's level of excitement that a dude looks like a lady."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus."

"Saw two construction workers laughing today... I know what they were really building, friendship"

"What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off.(NSFW)"

"Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.' We laughed about it. Then my wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'"