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Joke of the Day

"Why do people say look when they want me to listen?"

"Did you hear about the zombie that went vegan? He called his decision a no-brainer"

"I didn't think housework is a full-time job, so for Thanksgiving my wife served me a raw turkey. Revenge is a dish best served cold."

"To the guy that invented zero... Thanks for nothing."

"[to a straight couple] Which one is the lesbian and which one is the other lesbian"

"One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don't want to do."

"2 cars had a head-on collision in Mexico today.. 34 people died."

"Imagine trying to explain Captain America: Civil War to Abraham Lincoln."

"Q: Did you hear about the robbery at the flower shop? A: It was a violet crime."

"Revenge is a dish whose photos I haven't yet seen on Instagram."