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Joke of the Day

"Just got a call from the head of Twitter (Paul Twitter). He says great opinions everyone, he's looking forward to more opinions tomorrow."

"What is the difference between Jam and Jelly? I can't jelly my dick down your throat."

"The lord said to John ""Come forth and receive eternal life""... But John came in fifth and won a toaster instead."

"The tornado warning siren has just stopped going off That's either good or terrible"

"I have a fear of speedbumps But I'm slowly getting over it."

"What do you call a lazy Italian at the gym? ...Mussolini"

"I'm done congratulating people for having babies. Parents have been getting praise for having sex incorrectly for way too long."

"What do you call a dirty Chinese crab? A crusty asian"

"Ran into my ex on the street. He's got a hot wife & 2 kids. I have a taco in my hand. And one in my purse. And an emergency taco in my coat."

"Tried to get my 7 year old cousin to play Hungry Hungry Hippos but the fences at the zoo are really high."