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Joke of the Day

"One day, Adolf Hitler looked outside and saw heavy storm clouds. Worried, he contacted a meteorologist and asked him what the weather was going to be like. The meteorologist replied, ""Hail, Hitler!"""

"Tip Of the Day: You can easily avoid bruising your thigh by not staring at a female jogger and then walking into a fire hydrant."

"My girlfriend complained about my premature ejaculation So I told her ""A wizard never cums late nor early. He cums precisely when he means to"""

"*helping son with math problem* [hour later] JUST WRITE 75 GODDAMMIT!"

"How do trees encourage one another? They say ""I'm rooting for you"""

"*cooks french fries on your greasy hair*"

"Q: If Rodham gets health care Bentsen gets treasury and Aspin gets defense what does Gore get? A: Coffee."

"Turns out I got Lazik surgery by mistake so now I have two lazy eyes."

"Where does marine wildlife get treated? The Squid-ward."

"What do a Prostitute and a politician have in common? they both take money for lip-service."