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Joke of the Day

"hear about the guy who got an Indian tattooed on his arm his arm stopped working"

"When a person says a book is so good they can't put it down, but yet, are not holding that book. This is why I have trust issues."

"I've been arrested for robbing a bank dressed as a frog. It's the first time I've ever kermitted a crime."

"Did I tell you about my attempt to grow bananas in sand? It was fruitless."

"Me: why do bad things happen to good people? God: *reveals image of me jerking off to April from Ninja Turtles* Me: oh God: *nods solemnly*"

"*seductively boils hot dog* *suggestively unscrews ketchup bottle* *alluringly toasts bun* *erotically describes this in between asterisks*"

"When someone says ""women like you"" to me, I assume they're referring to extremely powerful wizards."

"Pretty sure marriage was invented to help people overcome their fear of death."

"You know what people really do when no one's looking? Your mum."

"I get in this weird mood where I don't want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood Awake'"