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Joke of the Day

"Me: why do bad things happen to good people? God: *reveals image of me jerking off to April from Ninja Turtles* Me: oh God: *nods solemnly*"

"Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered six offender."

"Why don't cannibals like to eat clowns? Because they taste funny."

"Did you hear about the skeleton that couldn't go to the party? He had no body to go with."

"Have any of you heard back from D yet? DEEZ NUTZ HAHA GOT EM"

"I gave my Chinese mate some sweets yesterday... He said, oh these are Haribo! Well if you don't like them, don't eat them then."

"Women reflect on the entire pie while men fixate about eating whatever slice they can get their hands on."

"Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed."

"""Hey Evolution, what the fuck?"" - Platypus"

"*grabs your ankle from a storm sewer* if your barbie doll needs a hula hoop use an onion ring"