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Joke of the Day

"Me: why do bad things happen to good people? God: *reveals image of me jerking off to April from Ninja Turtles* Me: oh God: *nods solemnly*"

"Guy walks into a store and asks the cashier for $0 in change... cashier says ""$0? That doesn't make any cents!"""

"They don't seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts. Sad."

"Why are Teen aged boys so good at fishing? Because they're Master Baiters."

"If a telemarketer calls give the phone to your 3 yr old,and tell them its santa clause."

"On the topic of NSFW woman jokes... ""Want to go get some Pizza and Fuck?"" ""No!"" ""Oh you don't like pizza?"""

"Jimmy was eating ice cream but dropped it as he crossed the street. Why? He was hit by a bus."

"I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend. Seriously, I'm taking a selfie and you're in the background"

"Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered six offender who just moved in next door."

"Two jews walk into a bar. They buy it."