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Joke of the Day

"EVERYONE FREEZE THIS IS A ROBBERY! ""What's that?"" It...it's a sawed-off shotgun. ""Aren't you supposed to use the other half?"" ...shit."

"I met this gorgeous girl on the subway... and I said to her, ""do you know the different between lunch and a blowjob"" ""no"" Ok, lets go to lunch then."

"Last night in bed, my wife said we should try some role reversal. So I told her, I had a headache."

"Why was the burrito embarrassed? It saw the salad dressing."

"How do you make an Amish woman happy? Three Men-A-Night"

"Referring to one's self in the third person is really obnoxious, but you refer to yourself in the second person and it confuses everyone. It's probably why you have no friends."

"CNN is like a strip club... They keep dancing around all the polls."

"What do you call a man with a double decker bus on his head ? The deceased !"

"What do you get when you mix acids and bases together? Rape."

"I didn't expect a bug to crawl out of my Meth stash... But it just came out of the blue."