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Joke of the Day

"Block the toddler from the kitchen while I sweep left, handoff the baby, pass you a bottle and take a shower. On 2. Go! Football parenting"

"I asked a librarian for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat... She said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not."

"Premature Ejokeulation What do you get when you cross someone with a sex disorder and someone who ruins punchlines?"

"If you had a 12 inch dick sticking out of the middle of your forehead, how many inches of it would you be able to see? None. Your gigantic balls would be in the way."

"Robot: I have to dry my feet carefully after a bath. Monster: Why? Robot: Otherwise I get rusty nails."

"Next on ""McCribs""! Hamburglar shows us his pimped-out hideout, and Grimmus takes us on a tour of his plush pleasure dome."

"Think About It... What do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth?"

"People who cough loudly don't go to the doctor... They go to the cinemas."

"A joke about Chinese censorship [removed]"

"What do American beer and having sex in a canoe have in common? They're both f**king close to water."