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Joke of the Day

"Doctors write the prescriptions illegibly so you can't see that it says: ""This one has insurance. Don't kill him."""

"I bet if a soccer announcer sees a monster, he probably yells: ""GHOOOOUL!"""

"A child is like a blank slate. They make a horrible screeching sound when you drag your nails across their face."

"""Hello, Pizza Hut"" Hi, how many slices are on a large pizza? ""eight"" And a medium? ""eight"" *long pause* I'd like to speak with your manager"

"What's Jay-Z's favorite city to perform in? SHEBOY-gan You're welcome"

"Girl, you are so sexy. . . [unsuitably sweet for work] that if my brain was in my penis, you would make my forehead sweat."

"I have but one greviance with the airplane pilots. Fantastic chaps, but good God, they're never grounded."

"Ever wondered why starwars episode 4,5 and 6 came before episode 1,2 and 3. Because, incharge of scheduling Yoda was"

"Why did the pig go to the casino? To play the slop machine!"

"I can't show how much I hate exclamation points without looking like a hypocrite."