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Joke of the Day

"98% of lawyers give the other 2% a bad name"

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"My neighbour tells me that he's poured a trail of spiced wine all the way from my house to his. But when I go outside to check... There isn't a punch line."
"What did the lucky butter say? I'm on a roll!"
"Husband: You're like homework Wife: Why? Are you gonna throw me on the table and do me all day? Husband: No, leave you alone and masturbate."
"What is the difference between being horny and hungry? Where you put the cucumber."
"What's large, grey and doesn't matter? An irrelephant."
"My thesis just came back with ""Appendix?"" scrawled on it. Seems a little forward but I thought: sure, why not?."
"Sorry I got us kicked out of your niece's dance recital for blowing my airhorn too much"
"I heard something about a Finding Dory Trailer being released today, but I forgot..."
"A barber asked a man how he wants his haircut In silence"