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Joke of the Day

"Why was Jesus I such good shape? Crossfit. Why did the Romans hate Jesus so much? He wouldn't shut up about crossfit."

"I'm gong to start calling my dick ""The Cartridge"". Women keep wanting to blow it."

"Helium walks into a bar. The bar tender says when don't serve nobles here. He didn't react."

"[interviewing for job as assassin] Me: I only have 1 rule Interviewer: lemme guess. No women or kids Me: huh? No, I just won't work weekends"

"I once asked an Irishman ""Why do the Irish always answer questions with another question?"" He said, ""do we now?"""

"I got arrested for plugging my phone into my portable power pack I'm being charged with battery"

"So Saudi Arabia Was Elected Head Of The Human Rights Panel..."

"What's the deal with Jerry Seinfeld? Did you ever notice he seems to start off all of his jokes in one of two ways?"

"*writing resume* Strengths? I'm great at multitasking *explosion in kitchen* My popcorn! *car crashes through fence* I forgot I was driving!"

"As a Chinese comedian many people ask about my opinion on our government... I can't complain."