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Joke of the Day

"Weird stuff happens to me on Thursday the 12th and Saturday the 14th, too."

"What's the difference between Donald Trump and an orange? One is wrinkly, sour, and orange. The other gets picked by Mexicans."

"Boy: Dad Dad come out. My sister's fighting this ten foot gargoyle with three heads. Dad: No I'm not coming out. She's going to have to learn to look after herself."

"All things in moderation. Unless no one's looking."

"What's the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck."

"I'm gonna steal a bunch of Jesus fish off minivans and then put them back three days later."

"What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? A guy in a wheelchair after a house fire."

"I don't get why supermodels are considered attractive. I mean they have the body of a 12 year old boy, but the face isn't as sexy."

"If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I'd have to pick: My girlfriend."

"My wife has the body of a 16 year old schoolgirl... She keeps it in the fridge."