113123

Joke of the Day

"""Florence + the Machine"" would be a funny name for a Leonardo da Vinci biopic. Follow this account for more goodass Renaissance tweets"

"So there were these two sisters.. a blonde and a brunette. The brunette goes to her sister and says ""I just fucked a brazilian!"" The blonde replies ""You slut! How many more is that than a million?"""

"I don't know why I broke up with the gym... ..I guess we just weren't working out."

"My 10 y/o daughter made this joke up on the way to school... What do you get when you cross Hitler with a fish? A-dolphin!"

"If Trump and Hillary are both drowning and you could only save one... What type of sandwich would you make?"

"I tried to catch fog yesterday... Mist."

"Why is trigonometry so hard to talk about? You always end up going off onto tangents."

"Donald Trump is not actually a member of the Republican Party He's a *Whig*"

"What did the little cloud say about the big cloud? I think you're condensating for something."

"yo mama so fat when she get on da elevator it says next stop hell"