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Joke of the Day

"One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas... How he got into my pajamas, I don't know. - Groucho Marx"

"""Thats a killer dirt bike you've got, man!"" *dirt bike holds a knife to your throat* Believe me...I know."

"I like that I'm not a celebrity. It means I can call people 'retards' and I don't have to apologize."

"Really, every section of the greeting card aisle could be called ""Societal Obligation."""

"Got kicked out of Barnes and Noble for moving the ""Caution Wet Floor"" sign to the Fifty Shades of Gray aisle."

"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels."

"What do you call a very large number of bad people? [nsfw] A Cuntry."

"Which Nordic country should you never be a part of? Finland. Once you're a citizen, that's it! You're Finnish! It's over."

"How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb? None, they'll just pass a law against light bulbs and then wonder why it's dark."

"I slapped Kim Kardashian's ass once I don't like his music."