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Joke of the Day

"So, I need an aquaculture licence to keep fish in a barrel and a firearms licence to shoot them. This is not as easy as I was led to believe"

"""Hey girl... You a pokemon trainer?"" Because you make my wiggly tuff"

"My family's invaded my house for the weekend. As a side note my dog's been walked 18 times"

"If I had a dollar for every dollar I had... I would be a counterfeiter."

"A condom and a coffin. Both are designed for stiffs. The difference is one is for coming and the other for going"

"I dunno Discovery Channel, if you think crabs are the deadliest thing you can catch, you've obviously never slept with my sister Ashley."

"An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine"

"I almost ate that little packet in the shoe box. Good thing it said 'do not eat'. That was close."

"I like my women how I like my whiskey....... Age 12 and all mixed up in coke."

"The Democratic National Committee. That's it. That's the entire fucking joke."