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Joke of the Day

"This clown fad is getting out of hand.... They are even running for president of the United States."

"""These diet pills better work,"" I say to myself as I wash them down with a chocolate milkshake."

"Critics say Botox is too expensive... ...but I spoke to fifty people who just paid for the treatment, and none of them looked surprised."

"A German man walks into a bar... and orders a Martini. The barman asks: ""Dry?"" The German replies: ""No, just one, thank you."""

"First they came for the people who say ""Awesome sauce,"" and I said nothing, because, frankly, those people deserve it."

"Perhaps one day he'll meet his Girl Fieri."

"A vending machine fell on me today Luckily it only had soft drinks"

"People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away."

"What's better than a tall woman wrapping her legs around you? A short woman trying like hell."

"Totally thought I was on the phone with my mom for an hour today. Was Daniel Day Lewis the whole time. Damn he's good."