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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant girl? You can unscrew a lightbulb."

"My dad just had thought surgery and i asked him if he could still talk he said yes, and i'm about to email the doctor to see if i can get my bribe back."

"I didnt just read it I Reddit"

"FRIEND: Wow you have bought A LOT of frozen food ME: I like to plan ahead FRIEND: But you haven't got a freezer ME: I'm a terrible planner"

"I asked a chinese girl for her number... I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She replied, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 6663629."""

"What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew? Harry Potter can escape the chambers"

"I love giving a little kid the tongue, and then watching him run to his mother holding the severed tongue I just gave him."

"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."

"I checked the thermometer outside. The temperature read ""Fcuk this sh1t! Stay in the house!"""

"I like to push the ""stop time"" button on the microwave and walk around in slow motion until my wife calls me an idiot."