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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a sapling in the military? An Infantry! (Infant tree, a sapling is a baby/young tree? Ah forget it!)"

"Red Bull gives you wings... So what do you get when you drink Green Bull? Twigs!"

"You'd be shocked at how easy it is to walk into a nursing home and draw mustaches on the dementia patents"

"Che: ""Why do you want to participate in this guerrilla war?"" Me: [picturing myself leading an army of gorillas into battle] ""Independence."""

"I married an amputee last week She single handedly changed my life"

"Accidentally left my phone at home, now I know how Kevin McCallister's parents felt."

"A guy with a gun enters a bar... ""Who the fuck had sex with my wife?"" He snarled. A voice was heard in the background, ""You don't have enough bullets mate!"""

"I was told not to say the word ""Hell"" and should say something else instead... So I said, ""How about H E double dildos."""

"I wanted to get into the right mood for my essay about american patriotism.. so i shouted at my essay ""You Essay"", ""You Essay"", ""YOU ESSAY"""

"To all the ""cougars"" out there, shame on you for not calling yourselves ""Thundercats"" shame. on. you."