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Joke of the Day

"BOSS: quit listening to Vanilla Ice, participate in the meeting, and pay attention ME: so... stop, collaborate, and listen? BOSS: you're fired"

"What do you call a city full of neckbeards? M'tropolis"

"What's Batman's favorite dessert? Just ice cream"

"If there is a Wessex, Sussex, and Essex why isn't there a northern county similarly named? Cause then there would be Nosex!"

"Coworker:I'll take care if it. *Translation* You're gonna take care of it. You just don't know it yet."

"Some old lady at the bank asked me if I could help her check her balance. Turns out pushing the old bitch to the ground was a bad idea."

"Whats the difference between a lawyer and a teenage boy? One is a master debater. The other is a masterbater."

"My wife just told me to go to hell, anyone else need anything from Walmart?"

"Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a very large bill."

"Bernie Sanders The real reason Bernie Sanders went to the hospital because he looked at his poll numbers Berning up. Doctors have said that he must have felt the BERN."